I believe strongly in Non-Violent Communication as a framework for life.

One aspect of that is telling someone that their actions aren't meeting your needs in a way that is non-violent, such as "When you show up thirty minutes later than we said we'd meet, I feel frustrated because my need for respect, and safety aren't met. Can you give me your word that you'll show up on time from now on?"

The other person doesn't have to respond positively to your strategy, but if they don't, or get angry or respond in some other way that doesn't meet your need, then the onus is on you to decide what to do.

It moves control for getting your needs me from the other person back to you, and while that can be difficult at first, it's ultimately very empowering.

I'm so grateful that years ago, I learned Non-Violent Communication.

While I'm not always able to do it, or always able to do it well, being able to put on my "giraffe ears" is a crucial skill not only in personal relationships, but it can be in business as well.

Understanding the needs of others, whether they're collaborative partners, potential customers, suppliers, or staff, can make a huge difference. It shifts problematic actions away from "Ugg they're so annoying" or "Why won't they just do what we want?" to "I wonder what need of theirs isn't being met that's leading to this communication from them?"

By understanding the needs behind the words, we can bring empathy and care where there was only annoyance and frustration.

Dear _ ,

How do we create your future, where people have public conversations that glow with romance, joy, & respect? Nonviolent communication will be taught in schools, recovery, & everyday life. Maybe I wrote a letter to the school board ? What can I do to share this vision with local organizations & normalize kindness, curiosity, & connection? Does it happen after someone like me dares to ask for it... #NonViolentCommunication #ClimateRecovery #2SLGBTQIA #UBI #LoveIsRadical

Talk about who's being targeted and the ways bad policies affect real people. "I feel bad for the refugees here legally who've been threatened by their neighbors and by politicians, like the Haitians in Springfield." Or "I feel terrible for the 26,000 women assaulted in Texas since abortions were effectively outlawed there who had to carry their attacker's child to term." Or "It seems wrong that trans kids and parents who have worked out treatments with their doctors are being told by more places that they can't get medical care anymore."

The more local you can make your statement, the better. Something in your own state, your own experience, or best of all, in your listeners' direct experience, the more powerful it will be. The farther away in time, distance, or familiarity, the harder it will be as an entry point to a real conversation.

https://degenerateart.beehiiv.com/p/fighting-words

Avoid defining reality
https://infighting.org/tools-and-practices/avoid-defining-reality

This is a common pitfall in dysfunctional relationships and volunteer groups with low relational competencies.

«We define someone’s reality when we communicate to them that we know what they think or feel better than they do. When we define someone’s reality, we believe and act as though we’re mind readers, as though we’re the expert on their experience.»

“Know Your Truth”

«Many people let others’ opinions determine how they judge their own actions. Some people think it’s okay to take pens from the office because “everyone does it.” Or they think that it’s okay to keep the extra change that the cashier gave by mistake because “it was her error, not mine.”

Integrity is about showing up day after day in harmony with our own values. I don’t want to kick my dog even though my neighbors might think it’s okay. I don’t want to spank my children just because my parents spanked me. I want to decide what is in harmony with my values and act accordingly. Only then is my need for integrity met.

What are your deepest values? Are your actions in harmony with them?»

—excerpt from “Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing, and Compassion” by Mary Mackenzie, published by PuddleDancer Press.

Free Dec 8 Online Event: In Disgrace of the Community; a Movement out of the Divisive, into Sacred Dream.
with Indigenous and Folk Elders and representatives.

https://actionnetwork.org/events/in-disgrace-of-the-community-a-movement-out-of-divisiveness-into-a-sacred-dream

#indigenous, #folk, #pagan, #Indigenouselders, #unity, #healing, #racism, #nonviolentcommunication, #nvc, #allies, #native, #colinization, #earth

I'm a proponent of Non-Violent Communication but I have a hard time Marshal Rosenberg's ideas around money.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQYIQUS2VBQ

His thesis is that forcing someone to pay for something is a form of violence. Instead, he wants people to "give" him money freely, as a donation.

That's all well and good but there are some practical issues.

First, Marshal's product was ostensibly his time. Time is tricky to price, but that's not the case of a material good. It costs money to make many produced items, or even some services.

Secondly, the idea of "give what you think it's worth" vs "pay the price I've set" absolutely gives control to the giver, but it also means that places where we haven't ascribed benefit may be tricky to address. This is where Libertarian would say tear down national parks, because they don't bring in money- a view I don't agree with.

#NonViolentCommunication #Money #Capitalism #AntiCapitalism

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I started listening to Marshall Rosenbergs Program on #NonviolentCommunication (NVC) And as much as it is intuitively and naturally convicing, it isn't as easy to adopt in practice. But like he emphasised, I'm not going to blame myself, I'll just try to become less stupid and not trying to get others to do what I want. Instead I'll try to create a comprehension of what I need and request for (not demand!), to help others to compassionately (willingly) contribute to a joyful family life.

She had me at Fred Again.. in yoga class. #music #curation #yoga #wellness #nonviolentcommunication

https://miaq.substack.com/p/29-erin-yoga-nonviolent-communication?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub

Posted into Mia’s Queue @mia-s-queue-mia

I've started The Bigbie Method intro course on Non-Violent Communication (NVC) and I'm liking it so far. I really believe that NVC's emphasis on communicating feelings and needs will be helpful for me personally and for society. I want to get the hang of it, so I can easily use it in daily life.
https://learn.thebigbiemethod.com/start
#nonviolentCommunication
#nvc
#learning

First class in the nonviolent communication course has been very informative. We were introduced to barriers to communication or ways that people communicate that feel disconnecting.

These include responses to a person such as

* advising them
* issuing a correction
* making comparisons with other people
* dismissing their feelings
* trying to one-up them
* diverting the conversation, or
* trying to educate them about the topic.

The list of disconnecting qualities varies from source to source, but it’s been interesting and useful to put a name to them and identify why a conversation doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and may feel like a tug-of-war or a power play.

I’ve already begun to identify them in everyday life/online and they are everywhere. The trick is to also identify them when I’ve strayed into the realm of disconnection and try to change habits.

Things generally seem bad and seem to be getting worse, but general discourse seems off the rails.

I'll read a post or an article and then the comments, and I have to check myself -- sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. These comments jump to conclusions, "correct" with what the respondant thinks are facts when it's actually a difference of perspective, generalize to a significant degree, or make statements so far out of orbit that I wonder if I'm the one missing something. But in that, at least, I know that I'm doing okay -- the people responding like this are not asking themselves the same question.

I see this devolution of discourse everywhere, including on Mastodon.

I have to ask why this is happening. I think people are scared, frustrated and exhausted. Others are intentional trolls. Still others have no idea how they sound. And then others just want to feel powerful or smarter by punching down someone who's made a benign comment. I also think lack of media literacy and issues with critical thinking as well as empathy play a huge part. Many other reasons may play a role.

I've been thinking about what I can do in this mess. So I've enrolled in a course in non-violent communication. Hope to gain some tools and insight there.

Because the way we talk to each other isn't working. All this shouting is just contributing to people feeling powerless, unheard, defensive, angry, and alone.

Got this via a friend I trust, looks wonderful!

"A feminine-led 10 day gathering dedicated to nonviolent resistance and emergent participatory peace building. Our goal is to generate groundbreaking initiatives that support a free and peaceful future for all."

If this sounds positive to you, please like and share. And/or give what you can.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/palestinian-israeli-emergent-peace-gathering #palestine #israel #gaza #peace #war #event #NonviolentCommunication #nonviolence #NonviolentResistance

Did anyone write about the #ReplyGuy problem in a #NonViolentCommunication framing? Surprising if not.