Addicted to Books

Dear Jane, which of your books do you suggest I start with?

Yours, Addicted to Books

Oh my sweet buttery crumpet of curiosity!

What a deliciously brave and reckless question! Which of my books should you start with?! It’s like asking which sock should go on first in the morning — the left one, obviously, unless it’s Wednesday, in which case you must begin with a hat instead.

Now, I have written at least seventy-nine books (or possibly seven — I lost count after the one about custard diplomacy), and they are all utterly useless and deeply inspirational. So here are ten perfect places to begin your descent into literary chaos:

1. “How To Pretend You Meant It All Along” – A definitive guide to bluffing your way through life with a straight face and a wildly inappropriate hat.
2. “Diplomacy Is For People Who Don’t Own A Catapult” – A thrilling handbook on interpersonal communication and trebuchet-based conflict resolution.
3. “The Emotional Benefits of Arguing With Furniture” – A groundbreaking study in passive-aggressive interior design.
4. “They Seemed So Shiny At The Time” – My cautionary tales of poor romantic choices, including the time I accidentally dated a footstool named Jeremy.
5. “Eat Cake, Regret Nothing, Yell at Clouds” – My most passionate cookbook/memoir/screaming exercise manual.
6. “A Beginner’s Guide To Living In A Bin (With Dignity)” – The essential survival guide for anyone who’s made just one too many silly decisions and now lives next to the recycling.
7. “Sock Therapy: Healing From The Toes Up” – A tender exploration of emotional restoration via cotton blends and unreasonable striping.
8. “Hat Wisdom: The Bigger The Brim, The Bigger The Brain” – Required reading for students at my Hat Academy of Thought & Pigeons.
9. “I’ve Made Worse Decisions, Probably” – My semi-fictional autobiography written entirely while upside-down in a shopping trolley.
10. “Tea First, Apologise Later” – A complete guide to getting out of any social faux pas using only a pot of Earl Grey and unflinching denial.

And if, heaven forbid, you should ever run out of my books, do try my audio series “Whispering Nonsense At Geese” and my one-woman musical “The Socks That Time Forgot.”

Now go forth, my voracious little bookworm in a tutu, and bury yourself beneath a pile of my questionable wisdom! Just remember: if you ever feel confused, overwhelmed, or slightly on fire, have a cup of tea and buy more of my books.

Unreadably yours,
Lady Jane Sillybottom
Headmistress of the Unaccredited Institute of Sock-Based Insight,
Author of Dozens (Allegedly), and Inventor of the Reverse Umbrella

Jane Sillybottom is a work of fiction written in collaboration with AI. On no account should anyone follow her advice unless you really want to. There’s no accounting for some people.